he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
