Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
