i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
