Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
