Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
