her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
