I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
