never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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