is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
