dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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