I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
