Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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