I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
