If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
