I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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