soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
