I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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