you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
