Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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