i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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