White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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