can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
