I got chris browned last night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
