R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my being single is dangerous.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
