i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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