ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
