Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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