I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
