we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
