can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
