I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
