am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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