i just google imaged poop.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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