What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
