Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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