Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i came on her dog
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
