i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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