wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize