You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
