Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
