I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
