he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
