Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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