I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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