The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You smell like stripper and shame
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
