he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
