you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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