i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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