he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
