Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
