I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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