Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
