you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize