Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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