Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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