Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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