can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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