Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
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