Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
