going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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