i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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