I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
