So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
