he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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