a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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