This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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