i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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